whoa…

Man, sometimes I just want to freeze time. I would have done it several years ago, when Marc was still home and just after Erin was in High School(and got nice again!). When Sean and Niki were still kids not difficult teenagers….sigh….

I really miss Erin. Last weekend when we saw her I really felt it. She’s gone, she’s not my girl anymore, she’s her own person. I know that was my job, to grow her up to be the wonderful person she is but… I miss her being mine, knowing almost everything she did. Where she was, mostly, what she was thinking. Now I know practically nothing!!! Not really what her room is like, who she spends time with, what she does all day and particularly what she is eating! I miss providing for her. I felt this way about Marc too but I guess the pain fades a bit over time. I still miss him, even though he’s here!!! I just don’t have that bond, that attachment, that we had when he lived at home all the time and I knew his life. I hate cutting that cord, I hate it!!! 

And on top of missing Erin and soon to be missing Marc again, I have the retirement angst of my husband!!! I know it’s hard, he’s been in the Army for 29 years!!!! 

And then  an Air Force brat before that! Neither of us know what it will be like to not be a COL. He’s home, which I am not used to and that stresses me, he doesn’t quite know how to handle time off and still doing all the final paperwork, appointments etc. and that stresses him! Arghhh! I know this too will pass and we will adjust but right now I want this time to go by really fast not slow it down!

And we are trying to get ready for the big, nephew’s wedding weekend. Plan clothes, food, rehearsal dinner that we are catering, etc. Can I pull my hair out now? Will that help me weigh less which is the last thing I need to be dealing with right now but I am still trying!!! Been walking daily and mostly sticking to the plan but with hubby home , sometimes he cooks and it is not exactly WW friendly foods!! so far so sort of ok, I hope things will settle down in a week or so and I can try a bit harder.

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement from my commenters!!!! I had no idea anybody would actually read what I wrote. But it made me feel so good to read your positive notes. Thank you !!!! And good luck to you too!

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